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Not Safe for Work. Fun Stuff – Pin the p**is on the police chief

February 10, 2014

The ‘offending’ image that cost a builder a £500 fine.

Apparently it is, in this wonderful free country of ours, now an offence to take a picture of a police officer and draw a cock on his face. It makes me wonder if a person is suitable to be a police officer if they are possessed with the thin-skin and even more fragile ego of ‘officers’ like PC Harris of Lincolnshire Police.

Shouldn’t those who can’t take a bit of abuse do something else with their lives, instead of being a police officer? I’d hate to be the civilian who had to rely on dickheads like PC Harris to protect me, he’d never be able to cope with members of the public. A nation both needs and deserves a functioning police force that has the respect of the public and incidents like this do nothing to help the public respect the police.

So why not get angry about this abuse of process and abuse of power by Lincolnshire police farce and have some fun at the same time?

Why not play the game of ‘Pin The Penis On The Police Officer’ or as it is otherwise known ‘Pin the Prick on the Prick’.

There are two ways to play this game. It can be played on a computer using the images supplied, or your own images or it can be played in ‘hard copy’ mode.

To play in ‘hard copy mode’ first select your chosen penis from the options below.

Print out the chosen penis and cut around the outline. If you are a member of the Liberal Democrats or the Labour party then you might want to get an adult to help you at this point, and also to explain to you the meaning of the phrases ‘free speech’, ‘fair comment’ and ‘these police bastards need to be reminded that they work for US’.


Then print out the picture of your chosen police officer to A4 size, draw on the scoring areas(see below) and stick this picture to a piece of thick card or foam.

Attach card or foam backed police officer picture to the wall

Put pin through the middle of the cut out penis picture.

The game begins when one competitor puts on a blindfold and attempts to pin the penis in the highest scoring area of the police officer’s face. The winner is the competitor who after a predetermined number of attempts to pin the prick on the prick, has accrued the highest score.

Here is an example of the high scoring areas using an image of Neil Rhodes the Chief Constable of Lincolnshire Police.

prick on prick-page001

The highest scores (100 points) are for placing the penis onto Mr Rhodes’s forehead for the classic ‘Dickhead’ look, the next highest scores are the mouth (50 points) which is especially appropriate if your local police force has a tendency to help its dodgy friends by politically fellating them. Another scoring band down (15 points) is the nose. The ears are only 25 points because lets face it, the ear is no place for a penis and a penis/ear combination is considerably less funny than a forehead/penis one. The rest of the face is 10 points, with 5 points for anywhere else on the officer. There are no points to be had for missing the police officer entirely, although with observation and manual dexterity skills like that, a career in the Metropolitan Police most surely awaits you.

To play on the computer, just open up photoshop, paint, gimp or whatever graphics programme you’ve got and stick penises to police officers in whatever combination you like. Email your best ‘cock and chief constable’ image to this blog and I’ll display here the best ones that you can come up with.   There will be a ‘Bearded Savage‘ Mug for the ‘cock and chief constable’ image that I judge to be the best or the funniest or even the most depraved.  Get your images over to us by midnight GMT on Sunday 16th February 2014.  

Here are a selection of Chief Police Officers for your delectation, some with reasons why they are included.

Neil Rhodes Chief Constable of Lincolnshire whose force is bullying people into giving up their natural right to mock incompetent or useless police officers

Neil Rhodes

Bernard Hogan-Howe – presided over and later apologised for ‘plebgate‘ where a Met officer tried to fit up a cabinet minister.


Sara Thornton – Chief Constable of Thames Valley who refused to resign despite Islamic Grooming Gangs operating virtually unhindered by police action for years in her police area.

Sara Thornton

Chris Sims the Chief Constable of West Midlands Police. This force has become worryingly close to the proven frauds of the Tell Mama organisation and have been enforcing Islamic ‘blasphemy law’ by arresting people for ripping up Korans. If Mr Sims wants to enforce shariah law then I’m sure there is a flight from Birmingham to Pakistan that will take him to an area where shariah rather than English law is practised.


Stephen Kavanagh, Chief Constable of Essex Police, no particular offence to note but he does come from a background of ‘diversity‘ which means that he is part of the problem with policing in Britain today.

stephen-kavanagh-smiling-no-hat.-essex police 246jpga

Alan Pughsley the Chief Constable of Kent Police. This force spent taxpayers money on ipads for staff whilst cutting front line officers. Kent officers also showed their enthusiasm for Shariah Law by arresting an 85 year old woman for saying nasty (and probably true) things about Islam.

Kent chief constable

If these chief police officers, who are being highly paid for providing an efficient policing service to all, are not doing their jobs to the public’s satisfaction, then why should they not be mocked and pilloried or laughed at?

Britain needs its police forces, but we need them to be respected by the public, accountable, to enforce the law equally, not have iffy friends, and not be overly concerned with matters pertaining to ‘community cohesion’. What we have at the moment in many police areas is nothing like the sort of policing that we should expect, nor the sort of policing that we deserve.



If you are looking for further ‘police critical’ sites then I can heartily recommend Crimebodge which can be found at



  1. mactheknife permalink

    “…the ear is no place for a penis and a penis/ear combination is considerably less funny than a forehead/penis one”

    To employ a good old-fashioned Lincolnshire remedy, which is to stick one’s cock in someone’s ear in order to ‘fuck some sense into them’…

    • Fahrenheit211 permalink

      Nice one! I have not heard that particular expression before.

  2. Frank permalink

    The most depraved entry would need a full lenth side or back view of the canidates, and a crescent moon and a choice of a cock featuring a crescent moon and a star. I’ll leave it to you to decide how many points to award for accuracy. This game is an excelent idea, perhaps if you approached Waddintons, it will be out by next Christmas.

  3. MTG permalink

    It was less a crime than surreal silliness worthy of a Turner Prize. Ownership of this intellectual property is not in dispute and ‘Pin The Penis On The Police Officer’ may infringe Mr Barrack’s copyright. 🙂

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